Nov 17

Had chills this morning. Only lasted about 15 mins, no fever.

Had my routine check in today. When I told them about the chills, they added a CBC to my labs.  They also started me on an i.v. antibiotic as a preventative measure.

I am sick to my stomach 24/7.     I don't take anything for it because I am tired of taking medicine.  But....... this is getting old really fast.  I think I may have to break down and start taking something for it.

I'm tired and don't eat much. Tastes buds are shot again.  Living on yogurt, kefir and crackers and cheese today.

Dosed off and on most of my day.

We were supposed to get a bad storm here in Nashville today. Thankfully, all we got was a whole lot of rain.

Nov 16

Just a routine check up today. Labs. Nothing special. They say I am doing fine.

Jillian goes home today :(

Mark got here to relieve here around noon.

If the other days are as uneventful as this one, I don't know how often I'll write,

Nov 15th - Actual Stem Cell Transplant

Today was the big day. And boy did it start off with a bang.

Unfortunately, I got hit with what the nurses call "melpalan misery".  Just a nicer way of saying major diarrhea!!  I'll spare you the awful details.

Got to my appt at about 11:00. Got my vitals taken and then the hooked me up to an i.v. bag of potassium. Mostly it was a waiting game.

After awhile the nurse came in a gave me an i.v. push of ativan and benadryl. Nice. That combo actually let me catch upon some much needed sleep.

When the N.P. infused the stems cells into my port it did hurt.  It felt like the brain freeze you get after drinking a slurpee too fast. The cells were thawed, but still pretty cold.  It also made my stomach feel bloated and crampy. Thankfully those symptoms were fleeting. I got four bags of cells infused.  I must have fallen asleep after that fourth bag, because the next thing I knew, it was 4:00 and the nurse was telling me I could go home.

Everything was a success.  Now I just pray God will have mercy on me and give me a few more years with my family.  But live our die, I am His and He knows best. I fully trust in that.

Jillian has been such a sweetheart. I am so proud of her.

Nov 14

Was sick to my stomach this morning when I woke up so finally broke down and took a compazine (sp). It helped somewhat.

Today was my "day off". No chemo today. Just a check up with the N.P and the doctor.  The doctor said all is well and she is happy with the way I am going.  So I will rest in that.

I am still taking astragalus, milk thistle & nettle on the side. Gotta protect myself from the chemo!

Today will be my last day for the steroids.   I am also on anti viral, bacterial and fungal meds.  If I think of it, I'll add the med names to a post.

It's 3 in the morning and i've been up for an hour. Insomnia is no fun!

Tomorrow is the actual stem cell transplant.  I should be in there about 4 hrs I guess.

Nov 13

I get weighed every time I got in and I see why now.  I was up like 5 pounds overnight!  Now I like to eat, but I don't think I ate enough to pack on 5 pounds over night!

The N.P. wasn't alarmed. Given the steroids and extra i.v. fluids I had yesterday. She did give me a low dose lasix pill to take when I got home. Oh, and I am still required to fill out that crazy I & O sheet every day.

Today was just more of the same meds as yesterday.

Nov 11 & 12

My first melphalan treatment was the 11th.  Not bad. Of course I had other bags of i.v. stuff going too. Extra fluids, nausea meds. etc.

The nurse had me suck on ice chips while the chemo was going in. She said it helps prevent mouth sores.  Sure hope it works! One less headache.

More of the same on the 12th.

Nov 11

This is just what Vanderbilt calls my "pre-admit" visit.  All it was blood work, a visit with the nurse practitioner and I forget what else. I have to do this from memory too. And my memory isn't that good. Maybe I've got "chemo brain".  I hear some people get that.

Still leaving tracts around Vanderbilt, just not as many as we did in the past. Kinda slacking' off I guess.

Tomorrow will be my first chemo treatment, melphalan.

I am feeling good and have a positive attitude. So onward and upward!

Nov 10

Met Jillian  the family at about 1p.m. and she and I left for Nashville. She did all the driving. She's a much better driver than I am.  Ask her, she'll tell ya'. Only by the goodness of God I didn't have about 3 fender benders the last time I drove up. I had her in stitches though, laughing at all my stupid close calls.

So the 10th was just spent unloading the car and chilling out at the apartment.

Gearing up for the chemo to come.

I don't know what I would have done without her. I couldn't have had treatment that's for sure. No one else could take off all the time from work to be here with me and that's a requirement. You must have a caregiver with you all the time or you can't even start treatment. Praise God He allowed all the pieces to come together.  

She's been such a help, such a sweet girl with a goo attitude.  A real servants heart. In fact she's been so helpful I made go how handicapped. LOL from not doing anything. 

I splurged a got a tablet. It actually turned out to be great that I did.  It's been fun video chatting with Genevieve and the girls & of course, Mark.

Still have this crazy insomnia every night. Usually I'm up at 2ish.  It's very frustrating.

And of course my  feet are still a mess, but thankfully the are getting better. For that I give all the glory to God. You don't realize how many nerves you have in your feet til something goes wring with them!

Oct 31 - Nov 9

This is my break from treatment. No meds, no shots, no humiliating toilets.

I felt pretty good while I was home.   I was tired, but that's kinds normal. I tried to stay home most of the time to avoid the crowds and the germs.

Jillian and I  leave for Nashville on the 10th. I have a pre-admit appointment of the 11th bright and early at 8 a.m.

Oct 30

Collection day.

I forgot to tell you, one of the side effects of the mozibal is diarrhea. Yeah, lots of fun. I didn't get "diarrhea", but did have to go the bathroom very frequently.

I didn't know what to expect as far as the collection process itself went.  When I walked into the little collection room, I asked the nurse how long it would take. She said about 5 hours.  I'm aure she must have seen my jaw drop and my eyes bug out. 5 hours!! I would be hooked up to the machine and seated in a recliner for 5 hours; not allowed to be unhooked period til the time was up.

I looked around and saw no bathroom. Now I'm really sweating bullets.

So into the chair I went. I wasn't a very good patient I must admit. I complained alot about how boring it was and how restless I was feeling.....then the dreaded need to use the toilet. Panic set in.

I told the nurse and you would not believe what happened next. Mind you, Vanderbilt is a billion dollar facility, I'm sure. Well, to continue the horro story, the nurse wheels in a secretay chair with a plastic bed pan sitting on it. That's  my toilet?! You've got to be kidding. So I had just enough free line to get fromthe recliner to the "toilet", which I did.  VERY humiliating.

It ended up taking 6 hours, but by adding that additional hour, I wouldn't have to come back tomorrow to collect anymore. So that was a good trade off.

Through all this to date, I haven't been really "sick" with side effects, for which I am very grateful.

Oct 23-29

I've got to write the events of the 23 - 31 by memory, unfortunately.  I lost the address to this blog so couldn't update it.

Oct 23 - the pre admit visit. This just consisted of labs in preparation of the Hickman line. I'll be NPO after midnight.

Oct 24 - surgery for the line placement. We had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. even though the surgery wasn't scheduled til 7:30.

A nurse took me to the holding area, I had to strip down totally and get into a hospital gown. I was kinda surprised that i couldn't at least keep my underwear on. YIKES!

I was freezing so the nurse connected my gown to a hose that blew in warm air.  Strange but effective.

Then doctor, anesthesiologist came in to talk to me.  They were all very personable and extremely nice. I had no fears at all. After all, I am in the Lord's hands.  What better place could I be?

Surgery went well and after a 2 hours wait in the recovery, room, I went back to the apartment.

Oct 25 - Just a clinic visit to change the dressing on the line.

Oct 26 - neupogen shot.  2 in the belly.

Oct 27 - another 2 neupogen shots.

Oct 28 - another 2 neupogen shots.

Oct - 29 neupogen shots again and labs. Possible stem cell collection. Ended up no collection, not enough cells.

Oct 29 - 7:30 p.m. got mozobil shot to give the stem cell production a kick in the pants.

Oct 30 - Yeah! collection day.  That deserves a page to its self. So more tomorrow.

Oct 13

No more revlimid! No more dex! Yay! Yesterday was my last day for those meds. Maybe now I can get a decent nights sleep.

Oct 7 & 8th

Well, today Jillian and I go to Vanderbilt for my evaluation for the SCT.

5:00 a.m. I fell getting out of bed! I went down like a ton of bricks, too. I was stunned. But to Vanderbilt I go!

11:30 - Labs  in a small office with LPN, took about 20 vials of blood. she started with the right arm & had to go to the left to get enough blood. exiting the right arm was extremely painful! she apologized for hitting a nerve

12:30 - meeting with financial office Actually the lady cam to the LPN's office and discussed my insurance while I was giving blood. i like that. very efficient.

1:00 - met with social worker, Kelly. what a sweet lady! gave me papers on foundations that give financial aid

3:00 - echo

4:00 - ekg

Had all my tests and everything went well. Most of the time we were early to the test and were taken right in. 

 the 8th

8:45 - LFT - silly guy giving the test but at least he was friendly

10:00 - skeletal survey  done old school with individual x-rays over my whole body. i asked why and the tech said the tubes give you 10X 's the radiation as the individual x-rays do. didn't know that

10:00 meeting with N.P. and doctor




We only had one snaffu.  We went back up to the second floor where the doctors office is and I sat in the waiting room and Jillian went to sign me in.  Well, she said she went to the sign in counter and one lady was busy and another lady volunteered to sign me in. So back to the waiting room Jillian went.

That was at 11:00. Forty five minutes later, the original sign in lady who was busy, came to the waiting room to tell us the N.P. was looking for us!  Kook kook lady NEVER signed me in! Jillian was livid, but held her tongue.

I finally got to see the N.P. then the doctor.  They went over everything, all my tests results were positive and gave my a calender of events for my SCT.

We got out of the Tuesday at about 1:00. We stopped at the grocery store and got snacks and a chicken sandwich and off we went to Knoxville.

All in all it was a great 2 days. Jillian is such a great help.  She wheeled me all around that place and buddy we were all over that place!

Saturday is my last revlimid day. Then I will have a couple weeks medicine free! Yay!

I go back Oct 22.

10-4

Boy, my feet! They still hurt and feel weird. Like someone pumped them full of Novocaine.

I haven't had a smoothie for at least a week.  Usually I have one every morning.  Now I'm payin' the price. My mouth is FULL of thrush!!!

I rinsed my mouth out with thyme tincture, took some garlic and had 2 smoothies today!

Oh, guess what I found out? The reason my legs look like cottage cheese jello is the dex is eating away at my muscles. Why don' the doctors tell you this!? I could have been eating extra protein or something. I don't get it. 

So tomorrow I'll start doing more protein eating, and start walking around the backyard.

Monday I go to Vanderbilt for 2 days of testing to see if I can proceed with the SCT.  Jillian is coming over Sunday night and going up with me for the two days.

A Nice Indulgence

I decided to spoil myself a little today. 

I've been reading and making so many things with my herbs, that I  just couldn't resist an oatmeal bath, and right in the middle of the day, too!

I made a pot of very soupy oatmeal and tied that up in a hanky. Started running the the bath water as hot as I could stand it and I can stand it pretty hot!  I thew in the oatmeal filled hanky, about 1/2 cup Epsom salts which I splashed with a few drops of eucalyptus essential oil and in I went. Nice!

Boy my feet are really lovin' this. I squeezed the milky stuff that is so good for skin from the hanky and slathered it all over. Washed my hair, washed my face with  oatmeal/lavender cleansing grains then settled in for a 20 minute rest.

The parts of my big ol' self that were under water looked as red as a lobster went I got out of the tub.  I rubbed on some essential oil blends I had made. I try to use different oils on different areas of my body just so I get some variety. I then hopped, well crawled really, into bed for a half hour rest.

As I lay there thinkin', (o why do  I always have to be thinkin"?) I started crying. Thinking about my hair falling out, about the suffering with the chemo that is coming up. But then I started thinking that I really can't cry over any of this stuff. That shows such lack of faith. 

I can't see the end from here but I must trust that God has only good for me. When I cry and feel bad about my situation that is a bad testimony. I can't do that. God helping me, I've got to stop doin' that.  I've got to make the most of the inevitable. I've got to let God refine me and bring glory to Himself.  I've got to remember Job. I've got to remember the wonderful ending my life will have in His hands. 

I guess what makes me most sad about my life is that I realize I've live for my own god all these years. My belly. And look how it has repaid my faithfulness and sacrifice. The Bible says ye if ye live after the flesh ye shall die. That is exactly what is happening. Why am I surprised that I finally must pay the piper? 

I've made a very, very bad life choice.

Idiot.

Sept 28

I still feel good, all except these feet! I was able to walk around the mall today for at least 1/2 an hr. I should have timed my walk, but I didn't. Of course, I'm not speed walking, but never the less, I am getting out and moving.

I wonder how I am gonna get any better when I can't get a decent nights sleep. I don't get any really deep sleep. I know that is the time the body repairs itself and your immune system is boosted. Well, mine sure isn't can only managed a couple hours sleep at a time.

I resisted a nap this evening because I wanted to make sure I would be tired enough to get to sleep.  Well, so much for that. Went to bed at 10:30 and here it is midnight and I'm up. 

My feet hurt like the dickens. When I softly push on the bottoms of my feet, it feels like someone shot them full of Novocaine. The tingle, they feel frostbitten, cold. I feel like I am wearing socks, even when I'm not. Sometimes I reach down to take off my socks and oops, I'm not wearing any! I can't even feel my feet when I wear shoes or walk.  So I ran some hot water, as hot as I could stand it, and soaked them in the tub for about 20 minutes. Seems to have helped a little, not enough though.  But hey, at least I'm not crying all day long. Before when I was still on the velcade, they hurt so bad I had to cry.

I am taking milk thistle, turmeric, vitamin D, vitamin B12.  I am also taking elderberry syrup & astragalus syrup that I made. Tomorrow I've got to get some capsules made! I need to make astragalus and nettle  capsules. I think I still have burdock tincture. May take that. It's already made so I may as well us it up.

Of course, the doctor doesn't want me to take any herbal supplements.; but you know me, ever the rebel! I have about 2 wks before I go for my appointment. That gives me a little time to see if I can get my white cells up on my own.

I know I wrote something about thinking the Lord was not gonna heal me. Well, I heard a sermon over the internet today and he was taking about healing. He really struck a chord with me. He talked about some people who pray to get healed, but God knows that if He healed them, they would just go back to their old ways. I think that applies to me.  The more and more the awful tastes goes away in my mouth, the more I start eating things that aren't good for me, things I haven't eaten for months due to the chemo. I wonder too, if I would stop thinking of the Lord if I were healed?  So you see, being sick isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person. 

I got a reservation at LaQuinta in Nashville for me and Jillian for the 7th.  Hopefully the hotel will be clean and nice. Website says it was just remodeled..  I sure hope so. Because if it is nice, we'll stay there for the 30 days of the SCT.  It comes out to be a pretty good deal for me.  The room is approximately $102 and of that, the insurance company will reimburse me $50!

Sept 26

Tomorrow will be one month since my last velcade shot.  And I feel GREAT!!

I actually feel like my old self again and am enjoying it. I even walked the 1/3 mile trail at the park Monday! Twice!

The neuropathy in my feet is still there, but thankfully it isn't causing me anymore excruciating pain. They just feel weird. If one of my flats slips off, I can't just slip it back on because i can't feel my feet. I have to actually reach down and put it back on with my hands. They tingle, they feel cold, like they're frostbitten. I put different creams on them, I don't think it helps much (lavender, tiger balm, etc), but I sure do have soft feet!

This is my week off of the revlimid, too.  :)

Vanderbilt called to give me my appointment for the tests to make sure I am a good SCT candidate. I go October 7 & 8th.  Jillian's gonna go with me. So now I have to find a hotel for us on  that Monday. I'll have to have blood work, echo, ekg, skeletal survey, and I forgot if there is any thing else. I'll have to do a 24fr urine test at home the day before and bring that in.

I'm not scared. Maybe I'm too stupid to be scared, I don't know. All I know is that I take comfort in the fact that my life or death is in the hands of Jesus Christ. This is no accident to Him and I must proceed with the thought that the people He has placed in my path and there for a purpose. So I will walk through all the doors, not forcing any open, til He closes them.

I have a funny feeling, though that healing isn't what He has in store for me.

He has used this illness to make me heavenly minded. Let's face it, if you're not staring death in the face, it's easy to put off living for the Lord.  I know, I'm a master at it.

Aug 7th

That trip to the E.R. got me thinking that maybe I should start with my primary care doctor and see if the leg problem is something they can figure out.

I went in to see the nurse practicioner and she had some x-rays taken and gave me some anti-inflammatory pills and a muscle relaxer. If I wasn't any better by Monday I was to come back.

The anti-inflammatory pills did nothing.

August 6 - A Trip to the E.R.

My legs have been killing me for about 2 weeks. Constant pain straight down the back of both legs, from the hip down to the ankle.  It feels like sciatica only instead of going down the side of my leg, it goes down the back.  I am about to go out of my mind. I can't sleep, I can't get comfortable, I can't ignore it. I just am in constant misery. The pain pills Dr I___________ gave me do nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

On my way out of infusion, I went across the hall and left word with the nurse that I needed something stronger. She said she'd call me.

She did call me later that day and told me my potassium level was low and had been since July 1st. That she said, could be causing the leg pain. So I was to go to the office in the morning and get a STAT blood test and if I needed potassium, they would give it to me.

Great. Why o why would you lest someones potassium level and then not check the results!! Not correct any imbalance?!  I was livid.

So all afternoon I worried about it.  Not trusting the doctor one bit. I didn't trust that something wouldn't go wrong overnight. I didn't want to wait til the morning. I know potassium levels are important and that they have something to do with the heart working right.

Then all of a sudden I started getting a pain in my left chest area.  That went on for a few hours until I thought I can't wait til tomorrow.  I left Mark a note and drove myself to Parkwest E.R.

To make a long story short, my heart checked out ok, my potassium level was normal and they had no idea what was causing my leg pain. He did give me an i.v.of an anti inflammatory. Midnight, I went home.

July 19th

I guess we left the house too early today. lol. When we got to the doctor's office, we were told the n.p. had an emergency and wasn't in.  So now my appointment is on Monday. 

The receptionist did talk to the nurse about my shortness or breath and weakness, come to find out, I should have gone to the  E.R.

Next time I feel that badly, I guess I will.  

So home we went. What a waste of gas.

I've got a new side effect.  It hurts down the sides of both of my legs.  The annoying pain is like that of sciatica. I wish I had some pain meds for it.  I know when I tell the nurse about it, she'll want me to take neuorntin.   I'm not keen on taking more meds, but it's very unlikely that she would give me pain meds for it. I may just have to tough it out.

July 17th

I got an appointment with the nurse practitioner for Friday.  I want to talk to someone about my symptoms before I start another velcade cycle.  I want to know if my side effects are normal and if indeed they are from the velcade.

I am starting to feel better. Still very  weak, but not debilitating.   

I don't like feeling sick, which I do all the time now.

1st Velcade Injection

Excuse the less than stellar body.  I thought maybe you'd  want to see the injection site.  I had never seen one and so didn't know what to expect.  

Here is my first velcade injection site after about  one month. Unlike the other sites, this one bruised up.  It turned red and purple.  No itching.  No pain.  Just a big ol' bruise.

 

The other sites never did turn purple.  The 2nd and 3rd sites I rubbed straight lavender oil on them.  The 4th one I did nothing to.  The lavender, surprisingly, didn't make a difference.

July 12th

Feel worse than usual.  Can't stand long enough to brush my teeth.  No appetite. Weak and tired.

I went in to get a glass of water and wore the blood pressure cuff.  As I was standing at the counter, not even for 1 minute, my b/p was 87/67! Needless to say I felt sick and faint.  That's how I feel when  ever I have to get up and do anything.  I have since read that it's a side effect of the velcade.  I will tell the doctor about it though.  Maybe my dose should be lowered.?

My sternum has been hurting since probably Monday.  I'll have to tell the doctor about that too.

I start my 3rd cycle of the velcade on   July 16th.

Right now I am just waiting for the Vanderbilt doctor to review my biopsy results and schedule my appointment.

July 11th

Still feel bad.  Is this the new "normal"?  If so, I don't like it!

My biopsy site started hurting at around 6:00p.m.  So I took 1/2 a Lortab at about 8:00 and went to bed.

July 10th

Woke up still feeling bad. Absolutely no energy. Can barely hold myself up. I've lost 4 pounds since Monday.

11:00 I called the oncologist office to see if I could come in and get some i.v. fluids. They said to come on in.

It took 2 hours for the saline drip.  I don't feel very much better.  I'm surprised.  Spent the rest of the afternoon in bed.

July 9th

I feel bad, bad, bad. I have spent most of this day in bed.  I see now that the day after the vecade shot, the explosive, watery diarrhea starts.  Better get used to that I guess. Still, it's better that being constipated in my book.

Nothing tastes good.  That bad taste in my mouth that makes everything so unpalatable has been back for at least a month.

I ate today:
                  2-3 spoonsfull of brown rice (yuck. don't like br. rice)
                   3 graham crackers  (tasted bad but ate them anyway)
                  1 banana (that hit the spot)
                   2 glasses apple juice
                  1 scrambled egg

I'm very hungry, but nothing tastes good.  I did learn the hard way that I need to eat even with the diarrhea so I don't throw my electrolytes off balance.

I really, really want some white rice, but Mark's asleep so can't go to the store for me.

I have absolutely no energy.  It is a feat just to hold myself up. I am exhausted 24/7 and I hate it.

I am tired of being sick.

July 8th

Today I have my bone marrow biopsy and my velcade injection.  The office scheduled them both on the same day for some strange reason.  

Mark drove me to Parkwest at 7:00 a.m.  No waiting at that time of day! So that's good.  I went back and did the  usual, answer questions, give blood, put on my hospital gown and wait....I went back for the procedure at 9:15.  No fears, this would be my 3rd biopsy.  Parkwest uses "conscience sedation". You feel nothing and remember nothing but you are still "awake".  It's nice.

I think I got done around 10:00 because they had to monitor me for 2 hours afterward and that would be noon. So I laid in my bed in the recovery room and enjoyed a turkey sandwhich, a small bag of vanilla wafers and 2 glasses of juice. I was so hungry from having nothing to eat since 6:00 p.m. the night before. I dozed off and on. The nurse kept coming in to check my bandages and my vital signs.  All went well and I was discharged at noon.

Instead of going home, I had to go get my velcade shot.  I showed up but my medicine didn't. They assumed when I didn't show up at 10 for my appointment, that I wasn't coming.  Of course, the pharmacist's were at lunch til 1, so I had to wait to get the shot.  But get it I did and finally went home.

July 6th

Woke up at 1:00 a.m. with the same explosive diarrhea . So it is the velcade. Well ain't that grand. I've got at least another 2 shots to go.  This is an awful way to lose weight! ha ha.

I have spent most of my day in bed and on the toilet.  I've decided to eat lightly to avoid the electrolyte imbalance i think I had last time.

I've had                   3 cups juice

                                2 crackers

                                1/2 slice Am. cheese

                                3-4 mini pretzels

I just had Mark go up to Krogers to get some things. Some bananas, bread, bullion, and I don't know what else if anything.  I would like to make some cream of cauliflower soup tomorrow. I think that would be good for me and not hurt my stomach. 

I am soooooo sick of this all!  Before the velcade troubles, I honestly didn't feel "sick".  I actually forgot that I was sick most of the time.  Now I feel sick ALL the time.  Last night I actually understood why people wanted to die; not to kill themselves, but just die.  I felt that too.   

July 5th

In for my followup doctor's appointment and my velcade shot.

The followup visit was with a nurse practioner, Kelly. She was very nice, very friendly and explained things plainly.

Basically, it boiled down to anything could have caused the diarreha but, if it happens again for as long as it did, I'm to call the office or go to the e.r. and get some fluids.  I agree!

Asked the nurse about my diarrhea and flu like symptoms. He said it sounded like the velcade.

A Rainy Thursday

I feel a little better today.  Not my old self, but better. Before this episode, I didn't feel "sick" and most of the time I forgot I was sick. But not this week. No siree bob. I feel sick as a dog.

I stopped the cipro Wednesday. I suppose I'll hear an earful tomorrow at my doctors appointment.

I managed to eat 1/2 a fried egg, 
                          6 oz hot cocoa
                          1 handful Cheeze-its
                          1 tortilla w/ roast beef
                          1 mixed berry smoothie ( plain Greek yogurt, raw milk)
                          1 handful mini pretzels

Still have diarreha, but it isn't all day long. Usually just in the morning and I can handle that.

Tomorrow I go for my follow up appt. because of the infection & I get a velcade shot. I am not gonna get the zofran. I am not going through those side effects again. I cried at the drop of a hat til that stuff wore off!

Still Sick

It's Wednesday, July 3rd and I'm still sick.  I've been taking my cipro so I guess the infection is under control.  I go to see the nurse practitioner on Friday about it.

Still having diarreeha and am very very weak. After I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of juice, I am literally ready to pass out.

What I've had to eat today:
                                         2 cups white rice
                                          1/2 c mashed potatoes(tasted disgusting)
                                         3 ritz crackers
                                         1 cup juice
                                         1 smoothie(mixed berries, raw milk & plain Greek yogurt  (delicious)

As you can see, it's been a carb fest. But I'm scared to eat things that are to hard to digest while I have this awful diarrhea.

Tuesday, the 2nd

Still have this debilitating diarrhea.  I did eat some though.  I had 2 Ritx crackers and some white rice. Still in bed most of the day.  By the time I walk up the 12 steps to my bedroom, I am exhausted, and gasping for air.. I just feel awful.

My husband and I decided since I got that infection that I should stop going out in public. I should limit my exposure to just doctor visits.  I'm just too weak to fight off germs. I don't know how in the world I got that infection. I wasn't around anyone who was "sick" that I know of.

I had to tell my daughter that I could no longer babysit.  Her kids get sick alot and I just can't risk it. Also my eldest daughter, Jillian and her family were planning to come over this coming Friday.  We had to cancel that.

I feel so lousy.

I will call today and get a follow up appt. with my oncologist.

The next day...

Still sick, but the fever is gone and I feel somewhat better.  The diarreah of course is still with me, still explosive, still just yellow water. I still haven't eaten anything.

This morning I went to a gynocologist to get another exam because of an abnormal pap smear at my primary care doctors.

Well, I waited and waited then finally went in.  I saw an intake nurse first. She took my medical history basically.  She was very sweet and pretty. Then back to a new waiting room.

It was a short wait there.  The nurse came and took me back to the exam room where I was to wait for the doctor.  I got instructions on what was to happen and shown where the bathroom was. Thankfully!  It was accessed right from the exam room.  I ended up using it 3 times.  Blasted diarrhea!  I was so afraid I have an accident while I was being examined!

The exam was ok.  A couple times there was pain.  but thankfully she didn't see any abnormality.  She said one section bled when she touched it though, so she was gonna take a sample and have it sent off to the lab.  With that the visit was over.  I got an appointment to come back in 2 weeks to discuss the lab results.

I no longer had fever and chills but the diarrhea was still with me.  :(

All I do now is sleep or sit in my recliner, mostly I am in bed.



 

Monday, July 1st

Went this morning for my velcade shot.  I had the same nurse I had last time. The room was quiet; Mondays are always slow. I like it quiet though. Today the TV was off which was nice.

I sat down and waited for my turn.  An older lady started up a conversation with me. I just assumed everyone was there for chemotherapy, but she was there for iron only.  She has a very low iron count.

The nurse brought me two little white pills. Zofran. I never took it before and I didn't really want it now, but I took it.  I put it under my tongue til it dissolved.  At first it wasn't too bad, kinda fruity tasting...but then yucky! I had to wash the taste down with water.

Ok, my turn  Into the " torture chamber" we went. ha ha, it's just the supply room so I can have privacy. He has to inject me in the lower stomach. My fat stomach is not something I want the whole room to see.

That was at 10:30, by 6:00 that evening, I was sick, sick , sick.  I had chills, and couldn't get warm, I had a fever of 102.4 and felt miserable.  I would cry at the drop of a hat.  My nurse daughter said anxiety was a side effect of the zofran and was probably why I was crying like that.   

By the time 9:00 rolled around my husband was very concerned that I might have an infection.  He had me call the oncologist's office and talk to the on call doctor.  I did and he called in a RX for antibiotic, cipro.  He ran up to Walgreens and got the cipro then had to shower and get ready for work.

I took a phenergan only because I knew it would put me to sleep and get me out of my misery.  Mean while, as if that wasn't enough, the diarrhea started full blast. Explosive,totally liquid yellow stuff.  I hadn't eaten since 6 that evening.

I don't know why I can't change the above blue type to red.  Sorry.

I took my meds and went up stairs to bed. 

Neuropothy

Here it is Saturday, and my feet aren't tingling.  that's great.

The neuropothy had gotten  much worse from the 2 weeks of velcade i.v. 

This is the reason Vanderbilt wanted me to get the injection instead of the i.v.  The shot causes less neuropothy.

I guess they're right!  :)

First Injection

This morning, Friday, the 28th,  was my first velcade injection.

Of course, when I got to the office, the right hand didn't know what the left hand was supposed to do.  I wonder if they are so disorganized with other patients, or is it just me?

After waiting awhile, I went into the infusion room.  I sat down in the recliner and waited.  The guys who work there are pretty nice.  One guy, Mike, grabbed an i.v. bag and came over to me, ready to start the i.v.

Yikes! I thought.  Doesn't he know I'm supposed to be getting a shot?!  Of course he doesn't, he never looked at my chart before he came to help me.

I explained everything and another guy came over with the needle to give me my shot.  he made no offer to give me any privacy.  I asked if he  would pull the curtain, since the shot was to be given in the belly.  He said he could or we could go into a little side room.  We went into the side room.  I lifted up my shirt and pulled down my underwear a little. He had to go below the belly button. It took longer than I expected but didn't hurt. And that was that.

This evening I noticed that the injection site was all red maybe a 1/2 inch to an inch in diameter. I didn't hurt or itch or anything.

 

June 25th

Had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. I___ this afternoon. 

I didn't learn anything, as usual.  It was basically an appointment so that he could write the orders that the doctor at Vanderbilt requested.

My velcade is now to be given as an injection and he ordered a biospy.  Vanderbilt ordered injection because the chances of neuropothy are lessened with the injection as opposed to an I.V.

That was it.

Horrible Week

June 16th, I was putting lotion on my neck and the gland on my left side felt tender and a bit swollen.  I thought, hey, this would be a good time to try my red root tincture!  Out it came and I took one teaspoon.  This was my first time taking red root.

That night at about 6:00 pm, I started having diarrhea.  And boy did I have diarrhea!  Explosive and every hour on the hour even through the night.   This ended up lasting till  Tuesday morning.  

 I stopped eating because I figure nothing in, nothing out.  Eventually my guts had to be empty and the diarrhea would stop. It kept on til I was effortlessly expelling pure liquid stuff.  I was extremely fatigued and so weak.  My chest hurt and I was short of breath if I did anything and I mean anything.

I started eating the BRAT diet on Tuesday and the diarrhea finally stopped on Wednesday.  I still was feeling very badly though and I thought I should call Dr. I's___ office after reading on the internet that I was having velcade side effects.  Mark said no, that that was to be expected and just try to cope.  So I did.

All the time though I am wondering if it was the red root.  I'd never taken it so I didn't know what it would do to me.

Here it is Saturday and I am feeling much better.  I am wondering if I feel better because I took my steroids this morning.  They always get me hopped up.  Hopefully, by Tuesday, my next oncology appointment, I'll be back to my old self.

Hair

I don't know why I have the opinion that I am gonna be the exception to the rule.  Why do I think I'm gonna escape all these side effects?  I am always stunned to have them happen!

My hair is coming out by the strands full.  When I run my fingers through my hair, five or six strands come out.  Oh, big deal, you say.  Well, I can do that 10 -12 times in a row with the same results.  Multiple that and see what kind of effect that has on some ones hair.

I could see the writing on the wall.  Hair cut here I come. Being the cheap skate that I am, I headed off to Walmart for the cut.  A nice, but too talkative black girl cut my hair.  I got a short, manly cut.  Yay,  Yes I am being facetious.  I hate the hair cut.  I hate looking like a man.  I know the Lord understands I did not do this out of rebellion or a desire to be like the women of the world.  I get that.  But I still hate it.

 Here I am in all my stark ugliness.  Makes me soooooo glad I got my wig.

Additional Required Tests

Concurrent with everything that was going on, I was required by the insurance company to have certain other tests done before they would approve the SCT.

I was required to get a TB test, have my teeth cleaned & any dental work done, have a mammogram, pap smear and EKG. 

So far I have had all but the EKG, because that's gonna be done later at Vanderbilt.

May 29th I went to the dentist.  I just called one in my hometown and went to see him.  Nice office, everything was clean and orderly.  I waited for about 45 minutes before going back to the exam room for ex-rays.  After the ex-rays, the tech examined my teeth and called the dentist in too look at my ex-rays.  Well, Dr. Edenfield looked at my mouth for a whole two minutes, felt my neck and said I didn't need anything done.  Mind you I hadn't been to a dentist in ten years!  I think he just realized that with no insurance, I wasn't a good candidate for money- no insurance company to outrageously bill.  Fine with me.  I didn't want to be  there in the first place.

He left and I left with an RX for antibiotics and an appointment for two days later to actually have my teeth cleaned.  I was to take the antibiotic, amoxicillian, I think, an hour before my appointment.  They were afraid

with the low white cell count about giving me an infection. 

I went back that Friday and had my teeth cleaned.  The tech was very nice and did a good job.  My bottom teeth were now as white as my top dentures.

June 3rd I went in for my TB test and pap smear.  The TB test, of course, was no problem.  The pap smear, well, that's just down right embarrassing, but I got it done.  Now I had to wait for the pap results.

Bright and early, 8:00 am., I went in for my mammogram.  That was a piece of cake.  I think it took all of about 15 minutes.  The tech was a nice lady and they had a nice little dressing room.  I striped from the waist up and  put on a gown had the test and went home.  No pain, I guess that's the only perk with having small boobs.  At least that's the only perk I know of.  I always wanted bigger boobs. She said good news you get a letter, bad news, we call you.  ok so home I went to wait on that.

A week later I got a letter!  Nothing found on the mammogram.  Yippie!.

Two days ago I got a letter from my Primary Care Physician.  Abnormal pap results.  Got a panicky feeling.  Called the office and she gave me a number for a On/Gyn.  I go see her on July 2nd.

 The thing about these additional tests, any one of them can disqualify me for the SCT.  They also delay everything thing while I am getting treated for them.  So far the only hold up is the pap smear.  We'll see what they want to do about that.  Treatment of course.  They never seem to let you watch and wait.

Velcade 2,3,& 4

My next velcade first cycle of treatments were on June 10, 14 & 17.  My cycle  was 2 weeks of treatment and one week off. Meanwhile, still taking the revilmid and dex.

The treatments went off without a hitch.  My second treatment, on June 10th, I refused the kytril.  The nurse looked at me like I was nuts, but complied. I told him I wanted to see how bad the nausea was and if I could handle it.

A half hour later we were on our way home.

Turned out I was sorry I had refused the kytrile. I got sick to my stomach and wasn't very happy about it.  I decided from then on I take the medicine.

On the 17th the nurse suggested I get a port put in to make it easier on me getting stuck for the I.V.'s.  I said ok, I'd do it.  Well, they were supposed to take care of getting the order to have that done.  It never happened.  After talking with Vanderbilt, I'm glad it didn't.  They were under the impression I was getting the injection!  They want it done as an injection.  So now I have to get with Dr i and get that set up.  Vanderbilt said there is less chance of getting nuropothy with the injection.  I'm all for that. 

I guess that's the trouble with having doctors in Nashville and Knoxville.  Communication isn't always what it should be.

Velcade

Friday June 7th, I went in for my first velcade treatment.

I felt like I was walking into a Frick and Frack movie. The right hand definitely did not know what the right hand was doing! They knew I was coming, but that was about it. They got just about everything else wrong. The nurses had the wrong medicines qued and the wrong application. 

They had doxil listed list as one of my meds and they had that I was to receive it by injection. Well, I remember when I walked in, I asked the nurse how long I'd be there for the shot. He said I wasn't getting a shot, but an I.V.  So I had a seat and waited....and waited...and waited.  This whole thing was supposed to take approximately 30 minutes, when I finally left, I had been there 2 hours!

After phone calls and protests from me that I was not taking the doxil, Dr. I's nurse came over and got everything straightened out.

The nurse started the I.V. Of course, it wasn't easy. He said my veins were too small. He did get it on the first try though, so that was good. I got an anti nausea medication added to my I.V. - kytril. I sat back in my recliner and watched a little tv and had some Sprite.  Why would they have that kind of a drink for patients? No bottled water, but several types of sodas and coffee.

Mark came with me but he didn't have any coffee. He just watched t.v.

2 hours later we left.

Nashville

Thankfully, Mark's last day of vacation was the day I needed to be at Vanderbilt in Nashville! My how the Lord provides!

We were up with the birds that morning. I think it takes about 4 hours to drive there. And if you know me, you know I must be early! No exceptions! lol

So we got there early and drove around looking for some place other than McDonalds to have breakfast. No such luck, can you believe it?  It was about 6:00 a.m. and the few " breakfast " restaurants we saw weren't even open yet. We tried a jack n the box, no breakfast items, the Burger King wasn't even open yet! We drove around and drove around and guess where we had to finally settle? Yeah, that's right, McDonalds. Boy, were we disappointed! But we had our biscuit and drove on to the clinic.

We tried to sign in, but we were even too early for that! So the receptionist sent us over to the pulmonary department to wait. They must have opened first, I don't know. But we only waited like 1/2 an hour.  Went back with Mark and did my little lung function test. Mind you, I had just had the same tests a week ago with my pulmonologist from UT. Everything went well and the results were good. So off we went back to the reception area.

At the reception area, you sign in, get a stack of papers to fill out and get a beeper thing, then wait for your beeper to go off. It was a nice area, lots of seats, no magazines though. Mark waited a bit then found out where the smoking area was and took off for a smoke. I did see a lady with her daughter. The mom was reading a Bible. I wanted to go say something to her, I don't know why I didn't.  I filled out my paper work then started on my library book.

When the beeper went off, I went up and filled out more forms, payed my $55 co-pay for the office visit and  was sent to wait in the lab area.  I just got my bill today and that office visit that I paid $55 was billed to the insurance company at $500!

Shortly, my beeper went off again, meaning I was next in the lab.  Real nice black girl took my blood. She was very good! Got it on the first try and didn't hurt me! That's a winner in my book. She directed me to my next stop, upstairs to see the actual doctor.

I waited in that area quite awhile, as you can imagine. Pretty much standard waiting area. They did have coffee and granola bars which I thought was nice. It was about 11:00 I guess and we had no prospects of lunch in sight. I had brought a tote bag with some granola bars and cookies. So I munched on a granola bar while I waited.

Finally, they called my name. I went back and answered lots of questions with a nurse. Then back to the waiting room. I got called again. This time I saw the Nurse Practitioner. Ms Clifton. She was very nice, answered my questions in a way I could understand. When she was finished, the doctor came in. He was nice, too. He wanted my numbers down and he was so surprised that Dr I___ had me on revlimid for so long even though my numbers weren't coming down as fast as they should have. He even said Dr I___ almost had me on revlimid too long. That it gets to a point that you can't even have a SCT! I was horrified. I felt let down. I also felt glad that I was in effect "getting a second opnion" without having to offend Dr I____.  Secretly, I was very glad to be talking to another doctor about my case. He did tell me there were several other tests my insurance company required before I could get the transplant, like a mammogram, pap smear, ekg, etc.

When Dr. J_____ was finished, off we went to get a biopsy. Fun. No, not really.

We had about an hour before the biopsy and it was about 2:00 already. We still hadn't had lunch and we were getting snippy with each other and we were both so tired.

We made a bee line for the cafeteria.  It was a nice cafeteria, lots of delicious choices. I had a bbq chicken sandwich that came with cole slaw and something else, I forget. Mark had a Chinese platter. The food was good that both of us got.  It was too much, but it was good.

Ok, tummies full, dispositions better, we headed off to the biopsy waiting area.  I've had a biopsy before so I knew what to expect. It's not bad, totally tolerable.  Except this time.

The lady that did mine, I don't know what she was. I know she wasn't a doctor. She was awful. Nice personality, but awful at biopsy's!  She had to go in twice to get what she needed and that is not fun. I was very very sore for a month after that.

Now that i had a sore backside, it was time to get in the car for the 4 hour drive back home.

Ok, fast forward

Ok, let's fast forward to a month ago 'cause I'm having trouble remembering everything and putting things in order.

A month ago at my last visit, Dr. I___ said he thought my numbers were good enough for me to see the doctor who would handle my stem cell transplant.

WoooHooo!

SO, I left the office with an appointment with Dr G________.

A couple days later, I got a phone call  from my insurance company telling me that I would not be covered at the facility where Dr G____ works. Uh oh! But she said if I chose one of the other facilities she would tell me about, I would be covered. Ok, no brainer, let me know which facilities I can go to.

She gave me about 3 options and I chose Vanderbilt in Nashville.

Now I had to get on the phone and cancel with Dr.  G___ and schedule with a doctor at Vanderbilt. Of course, Dr. G____'s office tried every which way to get me to stay with them, but no way could I create a huge medical bill for nothing!

I checked Vanderbilt's website and Mark and I picked Dr J_________ and my appointment was set for May 24th.

My Face

I want to show you some pictures of how I think I've changed.  I don't know when it happened. I just woke up one morning and looked in the  mirror and my face was huge to me. I weigh the same in each picture.

Granted I'm fat. I know that. But you can see from these pictures how much the steroid has effected my face.

This first picture is of me and Mark and was taken in 2012. I hadn't started on the revlimid, steroid regime. And in this picture you can see my hair, which, will be no more.

Here I am with my wig on. I still have my hair, but it is coming out by the strandsful and you can see how fat my face is. This was just taken a week ago. 

I like the wig ( Mark picked it out) but my face looks awfully fat to me. Hey, but at least no more "bad hair" days! I've wanted a wig for as long as I can remember.

Side Effects

The only side effect I had on the revlimid was mouth sores and a HORRIBLE taste in my mouth.

The mouth sores were awful! Imagine your mouth, tongue, etc covered with a whitish film and sores. Not bleeding sores, just painful tender sores. It made eating difficult. The foods that were easiest to eat were cold and soft. Yeah, like ice cream. My husband and I drank alot of milkshakes.

I couldn't get rid of it and the doctor said nothing about getting rid of them. I experimented with different herbal washes for my mouth, treating it as thrush, but nothing really helped. I finally had to go to my primary care doctor because now it was hurting when ever I swallowed. She diagnosed it as thrush and gave me a RX for 'swish and swallow". Well, I used it once or twice. Didn't like the taste or the idea of taking it.

Then I got the brilliant idea to use plain Greek yogurt! I would get a spoonful of it and swish it around my mouth and hold it for a few seconds. Bingo! That got rid of it. Now I have a smoothie every morning with yogurt and kefir in it. 

 

The awful, metallic like taste I couldn't get rid of. It was more troublesome than the sores, believe it or not. I had absolutely NO taste in my mouth. Now for someone who likes to eat ( me!) that's a crime. In fact I actually cried about it. I actually said out loud to my family that if my taste doesn't come back I don't want to live. And I meant it. Really, I did. What's the point of eating if there is absolutely no taste? Oh, I suppose I could be "normal" and eat to live or view food as just a fuel and go on with my life, but I don't. Food is enjoying to me  and families fellowship around food. I wanted to be able to do that again.

I don't remember how long it took or when it happened but my taste came back. Yay!

Also the skin on my lips was peeling constantly and my finger nails split, peeled and broke off. My nails were a mess.

I think that's all the side effects I had.

I remember think how lucky I was and that this isn't gonna be so bad.

bronchiectasis

All this while my  bronchiectasis has to be managed. For awhile I was on oxygen when I did anything with "exertion". I also had a sleep test and found out I have sleep apnea. I got a cpap and an oxygen concentrator.  These were all covered by insurance. Thank must have been in the beginning of 2012. All those things helped very much. In fact, I bought my own brand new cpap machine off "craigslis"t from a sleep center that was going out of business and I bought the concentrator from the medical supply store that was delivering my oxygen.

As soon as I got on the dex (steroid) I was home free as far as breathing goes. I was breathing very well and not getting so wiped out going up and down the stairs here.

Now that I have my own respiratory equipment, my bronchiectasis is on the back burner. I use the cpap every night and I love it. It took me 2 weeks to be comfortable with it. It's just second nature now.

Treatment Time

The coming months were every 2 month appointments with my oncologist and regular blood work. We were taking the "wait and see" approach, at my request.

I got to the point where I asked Genevieve, (R.N.) to come to an appointment with me. Dr. I______ laid out the prognosis, treatment,etc. She told me to take the treatment. Dr. I______ also said that by the end of the year, as fast as my numbers were going badly, it would get to the point where he couldn't help me.

Gulp! Decision time. I remember crying in the office & he was so sweet, took my hand and tried to comfort me. Anyway, I said I would take the treatment.

That began my Revlimid regime.  

I had to sign some papers and answer some questions with the online pharmacy that would dispense it.  It came by Fedex the next day. I took 1 capsule for 21 days, then had 7 days off. Along with the revlimid, I took 40mg of a steriod, dexamethason. I hated the thought of "poisoning myself", but what choice did I have? Myeloma has no cure, it's only treatable.

The medicine cost me , with insurance, $30 a month. I saw on one of the papers that the pharmacy charged the insurance company over $10,000 for a one month supply!

Poison or not, I felt better now. I remember telling the Doctor I should have started treatment when he first suggested it. I would have too, had I know how much better I'd feel.

The revlimid and dex went on for 8 months.

I didn't get much info at my appoints really. Dr I____ never volunteered any solid information that I could absorb and I didn't usually ask any questions. I must have had the shortest appointments of his day. They usually went something like this:

Dr:  How are you feeling?

Me: good

Dr. Your numbers look good

Me: they do?

Dr: yes, I'm, pleased at what they are.

Then home I'd go to wait another month for my next appointment.

Telling Everyone

I got an appointment pretty quickly with the oncologist, Dr. I___. So I went home to digest what had just happened to me.

At first I wasn't gonna tell anybody anything. I usually went to all my appointments by myself and this appointment would be no different.

I couldn't have wanted a kinder, more sincere, doctor. Dr. I____ was everything my pulmonologist was not. Dr. I____ actually came across as caring if I lived or died. He was very encouraging. Of course he wanted to start treatment. But I was heavy into herbs at the time and wanted to take the "wait and see" approach. Looking back now, I am sorry I did that. Lots of months were wasted. He was ok with that. He never did force me to do anything or take any treatment.

When I got home, Mark never even asked about my appointment. I was hurt and stunned. At that point I thought why tell him, he doesn't care. I waited a couple days before I told him. I actually cried when I heard  the word "cancer" come out of my mouth. He kinda teared up too.

I was shocked, angry, in denial, you name it. I went through all the stages.

I remember saying "why me?"  I never drank, never smoked, never did illegal drugs and here I go and get cancer, in my blood no less. Your blood is every where! How was I gonna fight that? I was angry that Mark has been a 30 some year smoker, did all kinds of illegal drugs & was a drinker in his band days. He's healthy as a horse! Boy, I resented that big time!

It's hard to remember back so far, but I didn't tell my daughters anything yet. No need to worry them.

I remember thinking "why me" for awhile. Then thankfully, I got out of that mindset into "why not me?". And really, why not me? I'm saved I know when I leave this world I'll go to be with Christ. So better me than some unsaved person. Better me than one of my family members. And why not me, who am I that I think I should avoid the maladies of mortal life?

I don't remember crying much about it either.  I still don't cry about it.

I think a month must have gone by before I realized that I would have to tell my daughters. I told Jillian first. She took it ok I think. Of course, she is a master at keeping her feelings to herself. I didn't tell Genevieve for a few months after that because she lived so far away. I thought why put this on her when there is nothing she could do about it.I really struggled with telling my 14 year old grandson. He is such a sweet kid and I love him to pieces. Having experienced the death of both of my parents, I knew first hand how tore up he was gonna be. I really wanted to spare him. Maybe a month of so after I told Genevieve, I told Caleb. He was good about it. Accepted it. Didn't freak out. So that was good.

So now everyone knows and I'm glad.

The beginning

Hi.

I'm starting this blog kinda late, I guess, since I was diagnosed February 2011 and here it is June 2013. I had been keeping a pen and paper journal, but started writing things that were just too personal and so I quit and tore up the journal. I just didn't think it was fair to write some of my feelings and then maybe hurt someone and be gone and not be able to make it right.

I just want to document what I am going through, since I've not been down this road before. I certainly don't know what to expect.

Anyway, here goes....

In November 2010, I got a very bad chest cold. I was weak and in bed for weeks. I honestly couldn't even stand long enough to do the dishes.  I was coughing my fool head off. I just suffered through it because we didn't have health insurance. That meant no trip to the doctor for me!

In February of 2011, the cold finally got so bad that my breathing was scant and my throat was closing up. I was scared to death!  My husband, Mark, raced me off to the nearest walk in clinic. This wasn't your run of the mill clinic with doofus's for doctors. This was a nice, first rate, good reputation, clinic.

After a smattering of questions and tests, it  was off to the  E.R. They wanted to send me in an ambulance with O2, but allowed Mark to drive me if we promised to go straight to the E.R.  No problem! We had insurance by this time.

More waiting and tests and questions. Was admitted. More tests, questions and medicine. I was diagnosed with bronchiectasis. It never goes away. The goal is just to keep it from getting worse. Ok. I can live with that.

Of course I had a follow up appointment after being discharged. That's when the hammer fell.

My dolt of a pulmonologist who has no personality or bed side manner, simple said you need to see an oncologist there is something going on with your blood cells. He promptly left the office never to return. I just sat there. Stunned. Who expects to leave the pulmonologist office with a diagnosis of cancer?! Not me.

Finally the nurse came in and  directed me to another office where an appointment with an oncologist was made. 

And that's how I found out I had cancer.